The good times...

I have a little bad habit of focusing on the rough things in life. I started this blog as a focus on the positives in my life, and lately every time I get the urge to blog, I just want to vent about junk. Hence the reason there hasn't been a lot of blogging going on around here. 

There has been a decent amount of junk lately, but I won't give in. Instead, I'm going to share some of my favorite things from the past few weeks.

Jamie at our campsite

Orangeleaf!!!

Valentine's Day Dinner at the Melting Pot.

Jamie stuffing his face with Orangeleaf. =)

My Dress for my sister's wedding!!!! So excited!

Qdoba with my love.

My beautiful flowering bush in front of my house. =)

Bazbeaux pizza!!!

Best camping dinner EVER.

(P.S. I originally posted this from my iPhone app, so I had to go add the captions later.  And that's why they are strangely out of order.)

♥

Mini-rant and what I'm thankful for today.

I'm going to climb up on my soapbox for a minute.

If you see something tragic from afar, 

i.e. someone get hit by a car or someone falling to their death,

don't

go home and facebook about it.

Really? A tragedy has hit that person and their whole families, and you are going to go put it up on your facebook to attract "Oh poor you" comments, and get attention from it?

It's totally cold hearted and selfish.

Okay, enough ranting for the day.

I have a ton of homework, and I am very sleep deprived, which makes me cranky. 

I almost never remember my dreams, but last night I had an extremely vivid nightmare that kept me up half the night.

So I definitely need a reminder of what I'm thankful for today, which is...

My mom.

She's coming over to take me out to dinner tonight for a much needed break.
She's also listened and been supportive of me for all of my emotional breakdowns in the last 6 months, and most of the ones before that, as well.
She has turned out to be one of the most important people in my life, and I don't know what I would do without her.

How cute are we in our Christmas Sweaters? =)

I'm so very thankful for her.
♥

Finally...

I feel like I'm back to my old self. 

It got pretty rough there for a while.

But I'm seeing life in a positive light again, and feeling pretty good.

Due to this whole thing with school (my final, official appeal is the end of July, for those who are wondering) I've pretty much been feeling like a failure.

Yeah, that sums it up pretty well, just a failure at life. It wasn't just in school, it felt like it seeped into all the other aspects of my life. I felt like a failure as an employee, a friend, and a wife.

But I think it's over now. I think I'm finally realizing that one woman's opinion of me may derail my plans, but it doesn't define me. 

I have a job that doesn't make me miserable, and I think I'm pretty good at it. 

I have a loving family, especially my mother, who told me from day one of this whole fiasco that she was proud of me no matter what. 

I have all of my needs provided for, a nice house, plenty of food, and anything else that comes along.

I have good friends who listened to me cry and be miserable for 2 months, and still love me.

I have a wonderful husband, who loves me even when I'm silly, irrational, emotional, and just plain needy, as well as happy and carefree. 

And I have God's unconditional love.

So, with all of these things in mind, no more feeling sorry for myself, and feeling like a failure.

Life's to short to waist so much energy on one woman's opinion.

So I'm done.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my summer, and good food, fun with friends, impromptu dates with husband, and many hammock naps. 

Life is good.

And I finally realize that again.

♥

What a week.

My life is insane.

On top of my student teaching this week 

(which we took over all day this week, every lesson is on us. Teaching is exhausting,)

and my work,

my niece got her tonsils taken out on Monday. 

That wouldn't really have affected me all that much, other than visiting her and taking her movies.

But, she spent the few hours after her surgery texting me and begging me to come to my house.

She also wanted to go to my mother-in-law's house.

I talked to my mother-in-law, and she told me that she wanted her to stay at her dad's, but that she was taking her food, and would be spending several hours a day there.

So, that made me feel better, and I drove her out some popsicles and movies that evening. 

When I got up the stairs to the apartment, I walked into:

My mother-in-law trying to coax Nat into swallowing her medicine.

Natalie shoulders heaving, tears rolling, sobbing, from pain.

My father-in-law yelling at my brother-in-law, her father.

Her pain medicine was 2 hours overdue.

So, my mother-in-law and I talked it out, and Natalie spent the last 3 days and nights on my couch, watching movies and sleeping. 

We gave her her medicine every 4 hours for 3 straight days. Including 2AM. And 6AM.

We made sure she ate.

And had everything she needed.

It was utterly exhausting.

She's at my mother-in-law's now, they picked her up today, so things should calm a bit. 

I'm glad to help out, and she needed us and I'm glad we were there, 

but I hate that it had to happen in the first place.

In other news of my life, I have done nothing new or exciting.

Just school and work.

I would love to blab on for hours about how awesome my students are, and how much I love teaching, 

But I could go on for hours about that.
Maybe next time.

My life is so monotonous, now that all i do is work and sleep.

Only 5 more weeks.

 I can do it. 

I hope.

I just want life to be exciting again.

I really miss blogging, too. But when I don't have time to wash dishes, play with my dog, or talk to my husband, I have to prioritize. 

The good news is that I my husband and I get to sleep in in the morning, and it will be the first time in almost a month for me.

And we are so having pancakes.

Wonderful.

I can't wait.

♥

"Windows are rolled down.."

Sorry to have neglected you, friends. 

This is how I know my life is too busy: I have been trying to find time to blog since Thursday. And it's Sunday. Seriously.

I'm going to regret this tomorrow, I can already tell, because I have to work 8-6. But, I need my me time, and this appears to be the only time I can get it. 

As Jamie says "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Hahaha, that reassures me on the nights when I only get 4 hours of sleep. Not. 

You all remember my post about the amazing, awesome, wonderful ice storm right?

Well, that wonderful storm got me an entire week off of school. A WHOLE WEEK. 

It was amazing.

This is what I did for those three days. 

By the end of my three days, I was starting to feel kind of lazy, so I did the dishes and some laundry. And then I watched more movies. 

I guess I am just a person who needs my down time.

It was awesome.

I also got to spend those mornings with Jamie, which was wonderful. He didn't have class either. We slept in, and cuddled, and then made breakfast, and then hungout. We haven't done that practically since summer.

I will say that by being out of school, there were some problems caused at work, because even though the schools were shut down, they expected people to brave the weather and come in even though they weren't scheduled. It created a mess, but hopefully the worst is over. Hopefully.

Then yesterday, I worked until 4, and then we picked up Natalie and took her shopping at the mall.  She bought some hats at Hot Topic, and we just hung out. It was nice to spend time with her, and she needs all of the support and positive influencing that she can get right now. 

Then we went out to dinner with my whole immediate family (which is amazing in itself, because we all work ridiculous schedules) to congratulate my little sister and her new fiance. We took Nat along, and I think she enjoyed it. She spent the night with us last night, and we took her to church this morning with us, which is definitely good for her. 

I also found out that my friend CJ is coming home for a whole month on April 9th!!! I am so excited about this, I can't wait to see him. 

He has been one of my best friends for many years (this is a picture of us in high school) and I am so excited to get to actually see him in person, instead of through skype. He has lived in Pensacola for the last year because he's in the Navy, and at the end of the month, he'll be transfered to North Carolina for three years.

And, more good news, we are going to see Amos Lee in concert at the end of March!! 

I bought our tickets and his new CD last night! I now have all four, and I love them all.

I haven't been to a concert in a while, I am really excited about this one. 

If you are interested in hearing his first release from the new album,

Click Here.

I love it.

So hopefully, with all of these positives, and after a refreshing week, I can survive this next one.

Hopefully.

♥ 

Quick break...

I'm taking a homework break.

Yep, this is the part of the semester when I actually try to do all of my reading.

Hah!

Well, this week has been crazy. 

The class part of my school sucks, that's to be expected.

But I met the students and teacher of the class I am to be student teaching in.

and it is Wonderful!

It's an ESL school, so they bus Hispanic students in from all over the city. 

I am a major minority in the school, let alone my class.

and I love it!

The kids were so fun, and I am so excited to learn from them.

And my teacher is amazing.

She has been at this same inner-city school for 9 years, and her class has ALWAYS had the highest I-STEP scores. Not to mention the fact that she has really high expectations for the kids, and they call her strict, but they all adore her. She's awesome.

I'm so excited to learn from her, and she seems really excited to be teaching us.

I couldn't have asked for a better placement.

I have missed Jamie a lot, it's been an adjustment. 

Plus the poor guy is sick, so he doesn't feel like doing anything.

Our house is falling apart, again.

When you are gone as much as we are, that tends to happen.

My goal for the day is to do homework in the morning, and clean in the afternoon, before work.

I am going to cook again tomorrow night. 

Last Sunday, I made a big batch of Corn and Lentil Soup.

I was going to do a blog about it, because it is a super cheap, easy recipe, and is really really good for you, and Jamie loves it, which is a good thing. 

But, we had a surprise intrusion visit from the in-laws.

After running out to the church so that Jamie could give Stephen a drum lesson (pretty excited about that, Misty) and then went grocery shopping, and when we got home for a nice quiet evening, they were outside of our house. Phone call would have been nice.

So, I hurried and put the soup on, while my mother-in-law cried for 10 minutes about her baby not coming to seeing her, and how she needed him.

My life is ridiculous sometimes. 

I was going to take a picture then, but I forgot, and then I tried to find one online, but none looked even remotely close to mine. Oh well.

And I baked four pieces of chicken, and we just ate them and the soup throughout the week. It was really nice!

I had an awesome "last hurrah" before school started last weekend!

I won a party at Howl, downtown, and it was a blast. Even some of my old friends from Ball State came! (And of course my IUPUI friends, as usual.)

(haha, poor Amanda. She doesn't take very good pictures at bars.)

It was a great way to end Christmas break.

I will leave you with this picture from this morning.

One, to show you how behind we are on housework. We forgot to put our bedclothes in the dryer last night, (okay, okay, I forgot) and we had to scrounge. These are the pink sheets I used at Ball State. haha!

And two, how cute Minnie looks when she sits like this, because she crosses her front paws. 

I love it.

♥

2010, and looking towards the future!

I love the "year in review" blog that Naomi did at Rockstar Diaries.

I decided I wanted to do one, although I'm sure mine won't be as eloquent or detailed as hers. 

Not much happened in January, other than the fact that I worked until midnight on new years eve. Lame. But, we had had a rough year in 2009, and Jamie and I both had extremely high hopes that this year would be better. 

In February, we went to Olive Garden (an old fave) for Valentine's Day.

In March, my cousin's son Jackson was born, and I had my bridal shower!

 We celebrated Jamie's 26th birthday in april, and I finished block I, which felt like a miracle.

May was the big one. I had my bachelorette party on the 15th, and became Mrs. Rutan on the 29th!

We celebrated with our honeymoon in June, and my parents got the latest member of our family, Dexter, who has grown a lot, and become so special to all of us!

Baby Dexter

Dexter now
 In July I chopped 7 inches off my hair, Jamie and I took an impromptu camping trip, and we lost his Nan.

In August, we took a "one last hurrah" trip to Chicago, and school started again.

In September, Jamie and I sang at his cousin Bradley's wedding, and worked to adjust to our crazy schedules.

We celebrated Halloween in October, (and by celebrated, I mean passed out candy.)

November held my 22nd birthday, for which I was called onstage at my favorite bar and serenaded, and also my very first visit to the ER. 

And in December, we celebrated our first married Christmas. 

It's been a year to remember. Granted, it's been hard, trying to juggle school and work, but there have been so many blessings. I am looking forward to next year, and praying that it is just as good. 

I wish the same for all of you, 

and I hope you have a happy new year!

♥

Christmas of 2010, continued...

I had a really great Christmas with my husband and family, 

even if I did have to work. I love Christmas.

I have been asking Jamie for a new reptile pet, preferably an iguana, for several months.

He has been adamantly against it. But..

 was okay with a fake one, that I found in my stocking Christmas morning.

 Minnie spent the morning cuddling with daddy,

 and getting a bone!

Emma just wanted to play with the wrapping stuff.

 Jamie got me this awesome cookbook!

We went to my parents after having Christmas together,

 And Jamie wore the sweater that I got for him!

 I got another place setting of my dishes!

 We then went to the Heidlebaugh family Christmas. 

 The adults did a white elephant exchange,

and Jamie won us a George Forman, which he was SUPER pumped about,

 and my mommy and I actually took a decent picture together. 

My husband got me this amazing and awesome camera

 I had my old one since i was 16, so it was time for an upgrade.

My new camera takes great close ups, 

like this one of my rings.

And I felt much better upon seeing my grandpa christmas eve. 

The rehab hospital has taken him back, and he is making great strides.

he is regaining strength in his right hand, and his speech is slowly but surely coming back. 

His Christmas present was a visit from my grandma and Daisy May, his lovable and completely spoiled dachshund.

How was your Christmas? I hope everyone had a wonderful time with family and friends, and made many memories they could look back on. 

♥

The Christmas of 2010

In reference to my last post...I'm trying.

Anyway, this past saturday, Jamie and I hosted the Rutan/Buckley Christmas.

It went really well, 

which I didn't really expect in all honesty. 

Last year I cried after they left.

seriously.

But, this year things went much better.

(and the big glass of wine I had right before everyone got there may have helped. Just saying.)

We had 5 more people this year than last.

It was crazy.

I made the ham, homemade mashed potatoes, fresh green beans, little smokies appetizers, and christmas punch.

It all tasted great, I was really proud of myself. 

 We had 15 people, and this is what we had to do to our great room to fit them all in for dinner.

 Shawn and Tami told everyone to wear red so we could take a family picture. This is how Shawn and Jamie dressed (completely coincidentally). You can tell they are brothers. 

 Richie brought his 14 week old puppy, who was the same size as my fully grown Minnie. 

The puppy also pooped behind our Christmas tree.

Fully potty trained, my butt.

 semi-decent family picture. 

 Shawn and Tami got all of the men matching hat's and scarves, and the women matching scarves and gloves. The pictures turned out pretty cute.

Jamie and i in front of our tree. Love him.

I guess I should finally just blog about this.

My grandpa Blankenship has been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks.

It's just been a lot to process, I haven't felt like writing about it.

Long story short, his blood thinner made his blood too thin, which caused bleeding on his brain, which made him disoriented and confused.

They took him off the blood thinner, and drilled 4 holes in his head to drain the blood.

He was on the mend, and then because he was no longer on the blood thinner, his blood got too thick, and he had a stroke. 

The stroke affected his speech. He recognizes everyone, and can smile, but his brain is not telling his mouth what to say. It could be months before it comes back, it could be never.

This has been a nightmare for my family.

The last major sickness in the family was my dad, and he died 3 minutes later.

I know this is on all of their minds, all the time.

It's on mine. My grandpa is the closest link I have to my dad.

My grandma and uncles have essentially been taking turns living at the hospital. One of them stays all night with him every single night. 

My grandma is exhausted. They have been married 58 years. This is an unbelievable strain on her. 

She is very stressed about Christmas. Christmas and family gatherings are of utmost importance to her, and she is determined to still have Christmas.  So, to help her out, I went over last night, and we held up our annual tradition of making Christmas mice. 

I spent my entire evening over there yesterday, and we worked on them.

Or really, I worked on them while she dozed on the couch, but it was all the same to me, she's exhausted. 

They are my favorite Christmas treat to make, and they taste amazing. 

If you're interested, you just melt almond bark in a double broiler, dip a stemmed cherry in it, then lay it on it's side on wax paper. Stick a chocolate kiss to the front, get sliced almonds for ears, and then use red gel icing for eyes.

She is taking some of the mice to my grandpa today. 

Hope he likes them, they were always his favorite too.

I'm going to go spend the morning with him tomorrow. 

What a way to spend Christmas, huh?

In a hospital bed, unable to speak.

♥