Feeling good...

For the first Sunday in a while, I feel really blessed and lifted. 

We tried a new church (again) today.

Trying to find a new home church is so hard.

I started the morning feeling so frustrated and fed up.

We were running late, so we almost didn't go,

but I'm SO glad we did.

We tried "The Blended Church" this morning, 

and for the first time in a long while, I left feeling lifted and happy. 

We were hesitant at first, because it sounded too good to be true, but it turned out great!

For starters, I absolutely love seeing people come together despite different races and cultures, to worship our one God.

It was very inspirational, there were literally people of all ages and races there.

The building was simple, and I found out it is because they do a massive amount of outreach and community and missionary support, which is something I passionately believe in.

The worship was very gospel, with a little rock and even some funk thrown in, which is right up our alley. They have connection groups, and many great programs going on. 

The preaching is a bit more...enthusiastic 

than I'm used to, but it's not a bad thing, just different. And they have 3 pastors on staff, so I'm interested to see if it changes.

We haven't decided yet by any means, but I'm looking forward to going back.

I'm excited and feeling positive about Sunday mornings again, and I think this church has more potential then any others we've been too.

Yay!

♥

Here we go again...

Well friends....

More bad things coming my way.

Over that same assignment as last time, from the same woman as last time.

Who is not my teacher.

So I'm not really sure why I'm being called to a meeting my her and my professor,

over my lack of quantity in my work.

I could go into the long, drawn out story of how I had 3 weeks less to work on it then everyone else, due to my prof changing my focus student halfway though, which was completely out of my control, and she totally knew it, but what's the point.

I'm getting screwed over here. 

End of story.

I'm kind of numb at this point.

How much worse can I feel, I was so depressed at the end of last semester that I could barely get off the couch.

I'm not going there again.

I've created a rebuttal for all of the things they said I did wrong, and I'm going to go in and present them with my head held high, because I haven't done anything wrong.

I'm also going to the dean of education, and presenting the same information.

I hope I can get through to someone.

How can one person be so determined to derail someone else's life?

If I can't continue at my school now, 

I WILL get my degree.

I am a good teacher.

It's all I've ever wanted to do.

I'll probably transfer back to BSU, and commute for a semester, which is all i should need.

This is where my strength is coming from.

Every day, I've been writing 

Romans 8:31 

on my arm.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

I'm pretty lucky to have an awesome husband who believes in me, too.

Because here we go again...

♥

Working on my grade appeal argument. 

All I want to do is quit. 

And give up.

And just be done.

It's hard, having to put one of the worst times of my life down in writing. I have to describe everything in detail, and it just makes me frustrated and upset. 

This is what's getting me through:

My husband, family, and friends, who love me no matter what, and these two scriptures:

Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. 

Hebrews 10:35-36

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 8:31

Even if I lose, I will know that I went into it strong, confident, and giving my best. 

For the first time, I think I can do this.

♥

Finally...

I feel like I'm back to my old self. 

It got pretty rough there for a while.

But I'm seeing life in a positive light again, and feeling pretty good.

Due to this whole thing with school (my final, official appeal is the end of July, for those who are wondering) I've pretty much been feeling like a failure.

Yeah, that sums it up pretty well, just a failure at life. It wasn't just in school, it felt like it seeped into all the other aspects of my life. I felt like a failure as an employee, a friend, and a wife.

But I think it's over now. I think I'm finally realizing that one woman's opinion of me may derail my plans, but it doesn't define me. 

I have a job that doesn't make me miserable, and I think I'm pretty good at it. 

I have a loving family, especially my mother, who told me from day one of this whole fiasco that she was proud of me no matter what. 

I have all of my needs provided for, a nice house, plenty of food, and anything else that comes along.

I have good friends who listened to me cry and be miserable for 2 months, and still love me.

I have a wonderful husband, who loves me even when I'm silly, irrational, emotional, and just plain needy, as well as happy and carefree. 

And I have God's unconditional love.

So, with all of these things in mind, no more feeling sorry for myself, and feeling like a failure.

Life's to short to waist so much energy on one woman's opinion.

So I'm done.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my summer, and good food, fun with friends, impromptu dates with husband, and many hammock naps. 

Life is good.

And I finally realize that again.

♥

Thank God for ice storms.

I truly thought this weekend would break me. 

I didn't think I was going to be able to make it through this week because of it. 

I can't speak of all of the details, as it is still ongoing, but we will soon be enduring a very major custody battle of our 13 year old niece Natalie. 

A ridiculous breakdown of events happened this weekend, that led to the police being called once. To protect Nat from the two fighting parties, particularly the one who currently has custody, we had her a lot this weekend. 

I had already had a really long week, with no more than 6 hours of sleep each night. I was one tired lady.

I was supposed to do homework on saturday, but we ended up rushing out to get her a working phone, and then I had to go to work until midnight.

When I got home, Jamie and I stayed up brainstorming until almost 2AM what we could do to help, and because we were too stressed about it to sleep. 

Then we got up at 6 AM yesterday morning for church, and went and picked Natalie up beforehand. 

So, we had her all day, and then I had to work at 4, so I had literally no time for anything, including a nap, which was desperately needed. We kept Nat last night too, the poor thing slept on our couch.  Then again, with only 5 hours of sleep, I got up this morning and went to work for 9 hours, as my poor husband got up and drove her 30 minutes to school. 

The worst part about it all, worse than the sleep-deprivation migraine I had all day today, the tears I shed over stress for Nat, or the just plain feeling crappy, was the daunting, totally awful feeling that it didn't even matter that I got off at 5, I had a ridiculous amount of homework to do that would without a doubt keep me up until the wee hours of the morning, and had to get up at 6 AM tomorrow, and go to class all day. And then do more homework. And then do it again Wednesday, and then Thursday. 

I was praying all day, though the tears, through the pain in my back, feet, and head, for God to give me the strength to get through it.  To not let me quit. To keep me going, through the pain, to finish what I started, and be strong for both my niece and my husband.

And he did one better.

This ice storm may be a huge inconvenience for you, and I'm sorry about that.

But this ice storm cancelled school tomorrow.

Hallelujah.

Now, I can sleep tonight, spend the morning with my husband which is so DESPERATELY needed, and then have the whole afternoon and evening to do homework for Wednesday and Thursday.

This ice storm is truly an answered prayer. 

And I am so, so unbelievably thankful for it.

♥

God saw you getting tired,

and a cure was not to be.

So he put his arms around you and

whispered "Come to ME."

With tearful eyes we watched you,

and saw you pass away.

Although we loved you dearly,

We could not make you stay.

a golden heart stopped beating,

hard working hands at rest.

God broke our hearts

to prove to us,

He only takes the best.

This was on the inside of Nan's funeral announcement.

I thought it was the most appropriate and beautiful thing I have ever seen.

♥

Haven't had much time or desire to blog the last few days.

Jamie's Nan died around midnight on tuesday night.

We have the visitation tomorrow and the funeral on Saturday.

I had to fix my work schedule, because i was scheduled to work during both.

but luckily, two of my co-workers stepped up and agreed to help me out.

She was truly the rock in his family. Everyone always went to her, and she was always able to say or do something to fix it, even if it wasn't what the person wanted to hear.

She was incredibly wise, and i will always be grateful to her for putting my mind at ease about whether my dad is in heaven. She will be so very missed.

She is also the sole reason that Jamie's family has such a deep faith in God.

She was an amazing woman.

Jamie hasn't really let it sink in. I'm kind of worried about him, but he just keeps not thinking about it. I am afraid it is just going to hit him at the funeral.

At least I'll be there for him.

It's a little easier knowing that she is in heaven. She was truly one of God's gifts, and I know he is happy to have her back in his arms.

I am having a much needed lunch with my momma today.

I love her.

I am also trying to clean the house up, and do dishes and laundry, because I have neglected all of that for about the past week.

I have homework that was due tuesday, and that is due today, and i haven't done any of it.

That is really, really bad.

Jamie is going to be ticked, but i have just had zero motivation, and I have had bigger things to worry about.

I guess I will just email the professor, and hope that she understands.

I can't stress about that now.

Oh well.

I will be glad when this weekend is over. Hopefully things will get easier after that.

♥