Things that make my heart happy.

Even with all of the really awful stuff mentioned in my last post that has been happening, I have been really thankful that it is spring break.  

It has giving me a great chance to relax, have a little fun, and deal with things a little more calmly. 

Here are some things that have really helped me, and made me smile again.

Getting to go to church.

Eating out with my love. It's killing my calorie counting, but it's oh so worth it.

Going to concerts. Amos Lee was so great.

Planning to go to concerts. Ray Lamontagne, here we come! July 14th!

Planning our summer getaways. Chicago and the Carolinas, we're headed your way. 

Getting to sleep in. This has been wonderful.

Getting to just hang out with my friends. Can't wait for Saturday!

Finding out that my friend Emily will live 5 houses down from me this next year. Awesome!

Shopping. Always good.

And, taking a risk and making a change, that totally payed off!

Love my new haircut!

Let's just hope that the week continues to be good. 

I need it.

And here's hoping that I can get all of this stuff figured out, with a little help from upstairs.

♥

I believe in the power of Love.

What a weekend.

I'll start with the good. 

Last night we went to the Amos Lee concert.

It. was. great!

I Love Amos Lee. His music is very soothing to me. 

And I love my husband even more, and being with him, while listening to that music,

was so, so good for my soul.

Unfortunately, the cold that I have been fighting to avoid for almost two weeks came on in full force. So, I was very busy feeling like crap and blowing my nose during the show, but it was still awesome. That cold has not subsided, so needless to say I still feel like crap.

But my world has also been rocked in a major way.

To make a very long story short, my class portion of the semester is a separate grade from my student teaching portion of the semester, and while my student teaching is going amazingly, (not sure if that is a real word, but oh well) and I have an awesome grade, my professor has told me that she doesn't feel I have done well enough to currently pass the class portion, due to one bad paper and two papers that were not turned in on time (only one of which was my responsibility).  With only four weeks left to fix it. And unfortunately she's not being very proactive about helping me fix it. 

So, there is a good chance I may have to retake this semester. 

I cried all day Thursday and all day Friday.

This completely turns my life upside down, and pushes off all of the plans I had. 

And on top of that, I have never failed at anything. Ever. And especially not at something related to the one thing I feel I'm meant to do. 

I feel like such a loser, and really stupid. 

I know I shouldn't, because I know that I am capable, and this is just a setback, and I really am meant to be a teacher. 

But this is very hard on me, not just because of all the work I've done, but because my self-confidence has received a huge blow.

I told Jamie I just want to quit. And there is a part of me that does. 

He won't let me. And I know there would be a long line of people behind him to kick my butt if I did.

I'm just not sure what to do now.

How do you rebuild confidence after something like this?

If you know, please share it with me. 

Because I'm going to need some help.

I'll leave you with an Amos Lee song that I love, and that lifts my heart when I hear it.
It's been helping.

I just wish my seat had been this close. =)

♥

Keepin' on keepin' on.

Another crazy week has past.

My team teacher, who I rely on for half of the planning and teaching, was out for the entire week.

It turned into a less-than-pretty situation.

The long and short of it is I did all the teaching last week, and all of the planning for this week.

It was exhausting.  

But, I can honestly say that I received some really positive feedback about stepping up in a tough situation, and that my teaching abilities drastically improved during that week.

So, there was some positivity that came out of it all.

I also started counting calories again.

I have gained 18 pounds since school started. (gasp!)

I realized that it is because I don't work very hard to monitor what I'm eating.

When you work 18 hours a day, you get into a habit of just grabbing something.

So, starting last wednesday, I downloaded an app from a website that counts your calories, subtracts calories burned through exercise, and tracks your progress, and even your nutrition. It's free, and based off of myfitnesspal.com

So far it's been pretty difficult, the first week always is.  But, this is how I lost weight my freshman year at Ball So I know if I just stick through it, it will get easier, and it WILL work.

I get to do a little proud mama bragging for a few minutes.

I created a 6 week long poetry unit for my fifth graders, with the thought that if I could just help one of them develop a love for creative writing, then it would be a success.

While I do hear "I hate poetry." daily, there are definitely a few of my students who have taken a love to it. I'm so proud of them, and hopefully I will be able to share some of their writings eventually.

They make me really proud that I can give these kids a way to express their feelings.

On a random note, My in-laws and niece Sarah stopped by (unannounced) and brought their new chocolate chihuahua puppy.

This is the pandaemonium that ensued in my backyard.

hahaha, it was pretty amusing.

My spring break starts in 4 days!!! 

I am so so so excited!

And Sunday is my first day off from school AND work since January!!

We are going to see Amos Lee in concert at the Murat that night, and I am so pumped.

It will be a much needed break.

I plan on blogging every day that week, because I miss it so.

Looking forward to my week off, and hope everyone is doing well!

♥

Welcome to the 60's...

Why am I just NOW discovering how amazing and awesome this musical is??

I must have been living in a cave.

Love it!

♥

What a week.

My life is insane.

On top of my student teaching this week 

(which we took over all day this week, every lesson is on us. Teaching is exhausting,)

and my work,

my niece got her tonsils taken out on Monday. 

That wouldn't really have affected me all that much, other than visiting her and taking her movies.

But, she spent the few hours after her surgery texting me and begging me to come to my house.

She also wanted to go to my mother-in-law's house.

I talked to my mother-in-law, and she told me that she wanted her to stay at her dad's, but that she was taking her food, and would be spending several hours a day there.

So, that made me feel better, and I drove her out some popsicles and movies that evening. 

When I got up the stairs to the apartment, I walked into:

My mother-in-law trying to coax Nat into swallowing her medicine.

Natalie shoulders heaving, tears rolling, sobbing, from pain.

My father-in-law yelling at my brother-in-law, her father.

Her pain medicine was 2 hours overdue.

So, my mother-in-law and I talked it out, and Natalie spent the last 3 days and nights on my couch, watching movies and sleeping. 

We gave her her medicine every 4 hours for 3 straight days. Including 2AM. And 6AM.

We made sure she ate.

And had everything she needed.

It was utterly exhausting.

She's at my mother-in-law's now, they picked her up today, so things should calm a bit. 

I'm glad to help out, and she needed us and I'm glad we were there, 

but I hate that it had to happen in the first place.

In other news of my life, I have done nothing new or exciting.

Just school and work.

I would love to blab on for hours about how awesome my students are, and how much I love teaching, 

But I could go on for hours about that.
Maybe next time.

My life is so monotonous, now that all i do is work and sleep.

Only 5 more weeks.

 I can do it. 

I hope.

I just want life to be exciting again.

I really miss blogging, too. But when I don't have time to wash dishes, play with my dog, or talk to my husband, I have to prioritize. 

The good news is that I my husband and I get to sleep in in the morning, and it will be the first time in almost a month for me.

And we are so having pancakes.

Wonderful.

I can't wait.

♥

Something's got to give.

I miss sleep.

I miss having time to eat healthy.

I miss watching movies.

I miss laughing all the time.

I miss my dog. 

I miss being happy at work.

I miss having energy.

I miss my friends.

I miss talking to my mom.

Believe it or not, I miss having time to take care of my house.

And mostly, I miss my husband.

Something's got to give. 

I'm pretty positive I can't do another 6 weeks of this, let alone another semester.

I'm tough, but this is insane.

♥

Welcome back, sunshine.

Welcome back sunshine,

It’s you I adore.

No more cold winter nights,

No icy feet on the floor.

Welcome back sunshine.

Where have you been?

I’ve missed your sweet warmth,

And that feeling within.

Welcome back sunshine,

And all that you bring.

Pretty flowers that bloom,

Pretty birds that just sing.

Welcome back sunshine,

And warm summer days.

Ice cream and camping,

And your lovely rays.

Welcome back sunshine,

Thanks for all that you give.

The lazy days and campfire nights,

My spirit just getting to live.

Welcome back sunshine,

Gone no more.

Welcome back, sunshine.

It’s you I adore.

© -Julie Rutan